Callum was born 9lb 2 oz at the end of December 2016 by a natural birth (no pain meds, just hypnobirthing), 2 days before full term. He was breast fed from birth on demand and has never had formula (aside, he never took the bottle or dummy either). He had awful colic from 3 to 7 weeks, and reflux until 3 months. The doctors prescribed Gaviscon but it was too difficult to administer. He was a very hiccupy baby and never settled to sleep peacefully after a breast feed. We could not lay him down on his back day or night so I spent several months sitting up at night with him on my chest. He napped in the sling until 5 months old, but even these were short naps. He had no routine for feeding and sleeping during his first year. Our daughter, Daisy, was 22 months old when he was born and, a couple of months after Callum was born, stopped sleeping through the night, waking and crying out for me (Daddy had to attend to her as I was co-sleeping with Callum). Her crying woke Callum often and because he had no way to easily go back to sleep, he would be awake for up to 3 hours every night. His bedtime was always fraught and he would ferociously suck on the breast like an addict but all it would do was frustrate him more. Poor boy!! There have been times when Callum has taken to bed as a “comforter” a wooden spoon, a calculator and a pebble!!
At exactly 1 year’s old, Dad took over bedtimes and night times. We went ‘cold turkey’ and there were no more night breast feeds or any other milk and no co-sleeping with Mummy. Dad co-slept for 2 weeks with him and then we put him into his cot. There was some but not too much crying about this. He was still waking in the night frequently and we tried to shhh him back to sleep for months. This didn’t work so we let him cry in his cot for 3 nights (less than 10 mins about 3 times the first night, and less the second and third night) and he slept through after that. At this time, I cut back on daytime breast feeds as I needed to establish a routine for him and get him to eat proper meals. This involved quite a lot of crying as he was used to ‘snacking’ and comforting himself on the breast whenever he wanted.
At 18 months, he suddenly one night stopped going to sleep independently and started waking in the night. It was a slippery slope from there to where we are now. He needed someone to sing to him and touch him to go to sleep, and then do the same at night. Dad was sleeping beside him for months holding his hand.
Before Christmas just gone, Dad stopped holding his hand at bedtime.
Callum is in a compact cot, which he can climb out of. Before Christmas, he would come and find us in the middle of the night and be so pleased with himself and totally awake. He started to expect a breast feed in the night and would happily have a feed and take himself back to his bed. Fortunately, this tapered off on its own.
He has only ever napped in his buggy. Now we are down to 1 nap a day and it coincides with picking up his sister from Nursery 1 and dropping her to Nursery 2, it works in the week. However, it still means we have to take him out to nap in his buggy at the weekends (or in the car, but then someone has to sit in the car with him until he wakes).
Both children need their sleep and suddenly will start crying or not want to be picked up/will only want to be picked up etc., but they won’t fall asleep easily. Callum is better at lying down when he’s tired.
Our nanny (Mon-Fri afternoons) sings to him to go to sleep, whilst telling him to cuddle ‘Baby George’ (his baby doll wrapped up in a soft comforter). Dad (at the weekends) now sits by him to go to sleep. At night, he wakes and needs Dad to hold his hand to go back to sleep. However, in the last week, he has slept through about 3 or 4 times until 5am-ish.
Callum started nursery one morning a week in January. It is the same nursery Daisy goes to so he is familiar with it but they are in different class rooms. He ran in happily the first time but since then has cried when I’ve left. He stops after about 15 minutes and enjoys the rest of the morning. However, I’ve noticed that since starting nursery, he is sometimes very anxious (to the point of crying) when I leave the room suddenly; when our nanny arrives in the afternoon to take him out to the park etc. and I leave him to collect Daisy; when I take
him to a playgroup or one of Daisy’s friend’s houses and he thinks I’m going to leave him. I’m very sad that this anxiety has been caused by starting nursery, which was supposed to be a fun experience for him (albeit with some crying expected and time needed to settle in).
Also, since Christmas, we tried not to hold his hand at night and instead just be present in the room. He hardly complained about not holding hands with Dad (who was sitting in a chair near the cot) when he woke in the night but he wouldn’t lie down and go to sleep for 1-2 hours, at which point Dad would be at breaking point and I would have to take over, making up all sorts of stories to get him to lie down (Baby George needs to lie down Callum, the sleep fairy will come when you’re asleep etc. etc.). He would eventually lie down but then would wake maybe 20 mins or 2 hours after and we would start all over. After doing this for 2/3 weeks, Dad started sleeping in our double bed next to him again, and holding his hand. This is very uncomfortable for Dad. Astonishingly, in the last 7 days, Callum hasn’t woken for 4 (non-consecutive) nights until 4am or 5am. No idea why.
We live in a 2-bedroom ground floor flat with stompy neighbours whose living room and kitchen are directly over Daisy’s and Callum’s cot. We have tried insulating their floors but to no avail. It has been a problem in the past, but now the children are generally immune to the stomping and the slamming front doors, thankfully! Unfortunately, we don’t have space for a normal 140cm x 70cm cot or cot bed anywhere in our bedroom. Callum currently sleeps in a compact cot. Daisy sleeps in a 140cm x 70cm cot bed (without bars). There would be room for Callum to sleep in the same in Daisy’s bedroom but we would have to lose the sofa bed which we use now for Daisy’s dinner time and reading books before bedtime.
5am (give or take 15 mins) – start of Callum’s day. Dad picks him up out of his cot and takes him to the living room where I am still asleep or they will gently call me if I’m sleeping in Daisy’s room. Callum is generally wide awake and happy saying “6 o’clock? Sun is up? Can wake up?” Dad goes back to bed. I breast feed him and then (lately from being so tired) lie back down and let him snuggle or play quietly next to me in the semi-dark. He hardly ever goes back to sleep.
7/7.30am – breakfast. Porridge/toast with cheese and baked beans/Arnold Bennett omelette or omelette with cheese and chard/raisin wheats if we are short on time.
8.30ish – leave house to take Daisy to nursery. Children will sometimes raid their lunch boxes for more food on the way.
9-11am (or 12 noon on Fridays when at nursery) – activity with Mummy
11.15ish (or 12.15 on Fridays after nursery) – lunch on the go. Pasta/sandwiches/yoghurt/fruit/veg.
11.45ish (Monday-Thursday) – Callum falls asleep in the moving buggy. He asks before he falls asleep, “Where is Daddy?”, “Where is Daisy?”, “Where is Cousin Alex/Uncle Sarah/Aunty Lana?” etc. I pick up Daisy, she has packed lunch on the way to Nursery 2.
Note, on Fridays, I notice that he is so ‘wired’ after nursery, he’s not in the slightest bit sleepy until 2pm. So, he usually comes back and has a warm lunch with me and then our nanny will take him out for his nap.
12.45 – I get home and have lunch myself.
1.15ish – Our nanny (if she has arrived) or I will wake Callum. We try to keep his nap to 1 hr 15 mins but sometimes it is 1 hr 30 mins.
Afternoon play – generally goes to the park or soft play with Nanny.
4pm – Callum back home. Playtime/reading with Daisy and Mummy until dinner is ready.
4.30/4.45pm – Nanny sits down to dinner with both children. Inevitably, Daisy stays 5-10 mins then leaves the table to finish the rest of her dinner with me in her bedroom. Callum will finish his dinner with our Nanny.
After dinner – Playtime with Nanny. Daisy will join after I’ve finished her bath. Then I will have playtime with both children.
6/6.15pm – I say goodnight to Callum and Nanny takes Callum for his bath. I will get bedtime things ready for both children whilst Daisy enjoys some quiet play on her own, then I will take Daisy for her bedtime.
7pm – Nanny gives Callum porridge and reads at the table.
7.10pm – Nanny turns out lights in living room, takes Callum through to the bedroom which is already dark (save for Gro Clock), kisses him goodnight and lays him in his cot and hands him Baby George. Sings to him until asleep. Callum asks several times in the day and at bedtime, “Where is Daddy?”, “Daddy coming back?”. Now started to ask “Where is Mummy?” at bedtime.
7.30-7.45pm – Callum asleep.
Anytime from 12 midnight to 5am, Callum will wake and call for Dad and Dad will lie down on our bed next to his cot and hold his hand to get him back to sleep. He may wake 1-3 times again, needing Dad’s hand to get to sleep.
Example quantities:
Breakfast today: small bowl of raisin wheats and one piece of sourdough toast with plenty crunchy peanut butter and sliced banana.
Snack: 1 satsuma
Lunch: 8 small mozzarella balls with olive oil and balsamic vinegar, some Ryvita, half a small pot of Greek yoghurt, 3 medium-sized home-made mackeral and sweet potato fish cakes.
Snack: banana and rest of yoghurt
Dinner: a small portion chicken tagine and rice, and green beans (both children love their green vegetables fortunately! They are the first things to get happily eaten).
After dinner: 1 scoop of organic porridge oats and milk
Because the children are not home for lunch and end up with a slightly rushed lunchtime, I try to make breakfast extra filling and dinner always a proper hot meal. We don’t eat a lot of red meat. We do eat lots of eggs, chicken and fish. We would like to eat a more vegetarian diet and do often add pulses to the meat dishes. We have always bought organic food and are healthy eaters ourselves. Both children did baby led weaning.
Callum needs a lot of attention to keep him at the table. He is able to climb out of the Stokke Tripp Trapp high chair even with the safety bar. He is keen to feed himself, but we have to read to him or tell stories, or introduce competition with his sister, when his interest wanes, and feed him whilst he’s paying attention on something else.
That is one reason why we have our Nanny so that she and I can effectively each do a dinner time with one child. When I have had to dinner time on my own with both of them (often at weekends), it’s worked well a few times but, generally, Daisy will get down from the table before finishing and then Callum will insist on following. I end up feeding them around the room, whilst they are not really noticing.
I would say Callum eats quite well but it is hard work on our part. He will eat a better variety of foods than Daisy. The children don’t have puddings, unless I’ve made an apple crumble or some oat biscuits, or they have strawberries and cream in summer.
Callum has for a long time had a bowl of porridge made with milk before bed.
Nanny singing him to sleep at bedtime in the week, cuddling Baby George.
Daddy singing him to sleep at the weekends, sitting in a chair about 3 foot from the cot.
Currently, Daddy holding his hand and lying in a bed next to his cot when he wakes in the night. Dad effectively spends the rest of the night in the bed next to his cot.
See above.
Callum is a very switched on, empathetic, friendly, chatty and gentle boy. He loves pretending he is a baby or a cat and will snuggle up in your arms. He loves babies.
I’ve noticed in the last week that he is crying over the slightest things, for example, asking me for milk and then crying whilst I go to the fridge to get the milk out. The crying is not a genuine anguished cry, but seems more like a ‘let’s see what happens when I cry’ test of my response.
Because Callum’s language is so good (his nursery teachers say that they forget he’s only just 2 years old), he understands things very well. For example, holding hands when walking down the road, sitting down to have his snacks. Because of that, I would say he understands the boundaries well. However, when he’s tired or regarding boundaries around his comfort things (like, playing Dad’s records), he is more difficult.
Regarding mealtimes, both children sit well at breakfast time at the table but dinner is a different story. Neither child will sit at the dinner table to finish their dinner on their own. Once they have had enough or are too tired or just want to play, they will get down.
Callum is enjoying throwing things at the moment, for example lego bricks, and obviously he’s still quite impulsive and curious, for example, spilling milk at the table and splatting his hand in the milk on purpose.
He loves being “the driver” and is into all the usual construction vehicles and water play. He also likes to take a book to the sofa and “read” to himself. He loves role play and acting out animals/drivers and putting on voices for them.
Callum has a lot of love to give. Unfortunately, his sister Daisy was not the motherly type when he was born but is much better than she used to be. Today, she really wanted Callum to cuddle up on her lap and to pretend he was a baby trying to go to sleep!
