Pregnancy was all normal.
Gill was born naturally, a water birth in hospital (no pains meds, no complications). It was a very quick delivery, 4 days overdue. She was a big baby at 3.93kgs (8lb 6 oz).
No health problems for Gill other than the tongue tie. And diarrhoea bug she got. I was probably more hormonally affected after Gill which wasn’t helped by all the visitors. I felt a little bit pathetic when I had Gill (a feeling I haven’t had before) so definitely not myself completely as I had been with my older daughter’s birth, two was maybe just more of a challenge mentally trying to keep both happy and your home still in order and yourself .
We breastfed from the beginning as we had done with Olive however something was wrong as it was incredibly painful. Luckily, I had a local breastfeeding lady (who I had done numerous courses with when Olive was born and who had taught me to breastfeed Olive) come in early to see what was wrong with Gill’s feeding. She immediately said to pump and bottle feed as Gill was tongue tied (this lady is very against bottle feeding at least in the first 6 weeks, so I trusted that she was correct). She was much happier when she got her bottle of breastmilk. I continued to pump every 3 hours and her tongue was snipped a couple days later. She struggled to latch so we used the nipple shields.
My mother was with us for the second 2 weeks of Gill’s life and that was not the best experience as she is not a typical helpful mum and her presence made the environment tense and I was certainly wound up. When she left (Gill almost 4 weeks) my mother-in-law, sister-in-law and three children (21, 19 and 17) arrived and we had more family come over for Christmas day. This made feeding Gill with the shields awkward and I lent more on the bottle feeding and expressing (no formula). I was not that relaxed with everyone arrived. They left when she was 6/7 weeks old and that afternoon, she spat the nipple shield away and latched correctly onto the breast. If we ever had a third, we will be having no guests to stay for the first 6 weeks at least .
She got a diarrhoea bug around 3 months and I decided to take all bottles away (I was trying to keep a bottle in with breastmilk as Olive never took a bottle) but once I took the bottles away and just breastfed whilst she was not well (from the bug nothing more wrong with her) she never took the bottle again.
I aimed to stop breastfeeding around 6 months (sooner than Olive) but Gill did not want to stop and so we breastfed all the way up to a week before I was starting a new job that meant I was to travel and therefore we needed to stop. She was 2 weeks off being 1. I am sure my starting work created anxiety for Gill having spent every day with me to that point bar a young girl who helped us whilst I interviewed for new roles. She spent a week with us so that we could get Gill off my breast. She then went onto cow’s milk.
Any health issues? No
Any problems with breastfeeding or formula feeding (when applicable)? As above tongue tie
Any reflux issues? No
Any food intolerances? Not that I am aware
At 6 months we tried food and I was not as worried about baby led weaning as I had been with Olive and was keen to get puree into Gill to decrease the milks, but she did not like puree. If she could have lived off my milk and Greek yoghurt. She was not and still is not the best eater and still loves her milk, yoghurt, cheese, and carbs.
She was always a snacker when it came to breastmilk. We did not have any routine, she fed on demand. Where Olive used to feed for a very long time at one time, Gill would feed for 10/15 minutes but more often. Olive
would feed for over an hour before going to bed but would sleep through, Gill would want a feed throughout the night as she would feed for around 15 minutes and go to sleep when I was putting her down, her feeds in the middle of the night were also not long.
Putting Gill to bed for a very long time was easy. Milk and then into the cot, night Gill and she would go to bed.
When Gill was born we lived in a different home, we then a bought another home that needed to be done up so we rented for 11 months, in those two homes she went to bed in her cot really easily. Whilst she was breastfeeding (up to almost 1) she would wake for feeds, unlike Olive, she would go back into her cot.
When I started working and she was on cow’s milk, we got a Norland nanny for 6 weeks and then when we moved to the flat we got a live out nanny, she started sleeping through but waking really early sometimes 4-30am. I felt as though she knew she had one on one time with me before I went to work. I travelled about 6, 5-day trips over the next year a half of my new job – which might have increased separation anxiety for her.
We moved into our new home in November 2019 and we got a new nanny as our previous one had lost her own nanny and we couldn’t make it work. She was excellent and professional nanny, feeding really good food and trying to hide veg in sauces etc, which she achieved. She was probably not as affectionate a person but excellent at everything else and would have made the girls feel secure.
Our current nanny is younger, loving and also cooks lovely hidden veg meals and tries to get Gill to eat a lot. Olive is an excellent eater.
Gill has only just started eating a carrot on its own, up until recently she would not even put it in her mouth, she sometimes still spits it out but its big that it has at least been tried. She won’t have broccoli, tomatoes, any veg that is whole on her plate (Olive will). She will take out the cucumber in a sandwich.
She loves pesto pasta, bread, cheese and yoghurt.
We make her vegetable spaghetti Bolognese, fish pie, risotto. She likes porridge and banana. Her table manners are not great, which might be an issue, with us working and not eating with them she doesn’t stay sitting at the table, I had taken the child insert off the stoke but perhaps I need to put it back on and put her back in the stoke and make her stay at the table. She gets angry and will throw the plate, sometimes we need to have her on our lap and feed her. Other times she refuses to eat and I will bath her and then give her porridge or try the food again.
She has a bottle of milk morning and night. The bottle at night is after she has bathed.
We are trying to cut her nap and have been successful on some days where she is then exhausted come 5pm, we will push her and she will sleep at 6/6-30.
If she has a sleep, she will be more difficult to put down.
A typical day:
Can start at 4-30/5 with her (now in our bed having cried out for Mom to come and get her from her big girls bed, she won’t let Dad bring her to me and will shout at him that she wants Mommy) she will jolt up instantly and say I want to go downstairs, we have recently stopped getting milk to put her back and instead we pat her bottom and shhh shhh to get her back to sleep (and pray ) and sometimes it works and she will go back down to between 6 and 6-30. There were times we are down at 5am but with dropping the nap these aren’t as often but still a bit hit and miss.
We go downstairs, either myself or my husband, she gets a bottle of milk (sometimes we are strict and she gets the tommee tippee, but when you are too tired and she is yelling for the milk it’s just too easy to give the bottle. I know these need to go (Olive was using a tommee cup the whole year Gill was breastfeeding but now she too has a bottle because Gill had one).
We will sit on the sofa and Gill will watch peppa, She loves crackers so sometimes I will give her a few crackers either plain, with cream cheese or peanut butter (I know not good).
A day:
6am-7am – bottle of milk/cracker/breakfast muffin
7:30 porridge and banana/pancakes and yoghurt/ (sometimes needs lots of encouragement to eat) would never eat eggs/boiled/fried/scrambled/she likes to drink our smoothies so we often give her a smoothie with veg inside – she loves them because she thinks its milk but its actually water.
10Am Baby bel and mango – won’t eat the mango/suckie/mango and crackers (suck the mango at most)
12pm Picnic in the park, cheese sandwich, rice cake, strawberries and suckie yoghurt/pesto pasta with tomatoes (wont eat tomatoes)/spag bowl (sometimes too tired to finish the food)
12:50 to 1:30 nap (if we allow it and we have to wake her up as she would gladly sleep for 3 hours if we left her – she has always liked sleeping in the day)
3pm ice lolly/suckie/breakfast muffin/bar
5pm, home-made pizza, carrots and cucumber – there were other kids over so she was distracted so Haylee had to feed her piece by piece/chicken and sweet potato pie (always tries to get down from table/spat out a few mouthfuls as doesn’t like the chicken maybe the texture) she doesn’t like most meat it has to be a mince or really cut up finely) she prefers her food together like a fish pie/cottage pie/Bolognese doesn’t like a chicken piece and separate potatoes and veg as an example. Its awkward if we go to someone house who serves a straight forward normal meal (the type I grew up on) as there is no way she will eat it and we will end up giving her pesto pasta/yogurt or porridge and feeling like the worst parents.
6pm – bottle of milk
My girls always ask for something else like a bar after milk or almonds or apple or banana – this is where I think they are just playing us but as I am working the whole day I second guess whether they are hungry and give them what they want.
Up to bed around 7 teeth and toilet
She has mousey doll that needs to be in bed with her when she sleeps and if she is tired she will ask for mousey. She also has a bunny that needs to be there but her loyalties lie with mousey.
She reads a story or two to me (can take forever) and then I read to her. I have already implemented sitting on the chair next to her bed and no longer reading whilst sitting next to her on the bed and I no longer lie next to her, I am now on the chair next to her. It has certainly helped but sometimes I do still need to leave the room so she cries out instantly then I come back in and say ‘ok then go to sleep and mommy will stay).
She will be asleep by 8 – of course with the nap going she has sometimes fallen asleep on the sofa.
She will wake up between 12 and 2 and call for Mommy we will go and get her and she will sleep with us, she won’t let Daddy bring her to our bed or if he does just pick her up she is not happy about it. She comes into our bed and goes straight to sleep, taking over the bed.
Does she use a dummy to help her get to sleep?
No dummy, just mousey, she did have a dummy but I can’t recall when I took it away – I don’t think it was an issue
To help her get to sleep would you give a bedtime drink/feed?
She has her milk downstairs/we take water upstairs and she often will ask for a sip especially if we have forgotten it as I think it is a delay tactic and she will need to come downstairs with us to get it otherwise she will scream the house down if you leave her.
Is there any Co-sleeping at bedtime, during naps, at wakes and during re-settling?
Naps during the day she would take herself to bed if she could, super easy just in the bed and leave. Co-sleeping in the middle of the night and only since she has been in her big bed – we got Olive out of our bed (she always slept with us) and literally the next night Gill who never wanted to be in our bed was in our bed.
Where and in what does Gill sleep for bedtime sleep, and any naps during the day? (eg in own room in her own cot?)
Her room in her bed. Her cot is still up in her room and sometimes for day time naps she’ll ask to be in her cot.
Any other aids? (eg. Night-lights, music, white noise, special toys, etc.)
Mousey and books and sometimes a song although Olive needs songs more than
No issues.
Should we give up the milk, or just the bottle, cold turkey how do we do it?
Food – are we giving enough especially if she refuses to eat. The schedule above sets out quite strict specific times, this is not strictly the case, I have thought of picking a simple meal plan and sticking to it and to the exact times – would that help?
How do we get her to sleep in her bed and not in ours?
I would like her to sleep close to 6 am to 6pm or 7 to 7 – is this possible?
Her older sister is a night owl and a late waker and Gill is an early sleeper and an early riser, I would like to reset them to be the same.
Should I get Gill in a better sleeping routine in her own room or potentially put them in the same room and tackle them together. Olive does not come into our bedroom but calls out every night at least once for us to go and see her so sometimes I think she would do better having Gill in the room. What would recommend sort Gill first and then combine or combine and sort at the same time?
Should we totally cut her nap? Or give her a nap on some days?
The TV is on during a lot of their meals with the Nanny this is something I am really against. Is this maybe affecting their eating – should I stress that when they eat the nanny sits with them. I really think we have failed in setting a healthy eating time given Matt and I are always rushing around.
I know our situation is not that bad and is actually getting better however I feel like I need a reset for both of them, a simple manual that says eat this and do that to reign the behaviour through better food and sleep.
Gill is generally a very easy-going child, who easily plays by herself. She is strong and does sometimes hit other children. Olive is far more difficult to parent as she requires a lot more attention which I think is because she’s not getting enough because we are so busy and tired. Gill does demand a lot of time form me which effects Olive. She doesn’t like anyone else putting her to bed if I am there. We have however been at home now throughout lock down so no more rushing out the door or travel, mom and Dad are always at home. Gill likes to read, do puzzles, play with sand outside, slide. Play with her train set, babies and mommies, in her kitchen. If its just Gill at home it is the easiest as she will play as long as you are near her, she will say ‘sit with me mommy’ ‘please don’t go to work’ ‘stay a bit longer’. Makes me feel so bad sometimes that I just want to quit my job and come home!
Gill always wants me to carry her (and she’s really heavy!). She’s starting nursey in September, she has been at home with a nanny all this time. She does do activities, monkey music/heart beeps/football/swimming – a mixture each term. She has a friend that comes to the house every Tuesday for a play. She used to go to drop in playgroups pre-Covid. Although she is very attached to me she is still confident when she goes places, for example dropping Olive off at Nursery she would happily walk into nursery, Olive took her to Nursery for one of her last days to settle Gill in as I may not be able to due to Covid and she barely said goodbye to me although she has been telling me that ‘when she go Crickets, Yaya (Olive) will take care of her’ she hasn’t realised that when she goes, Olive will be starting big school, I still think she’ll settle fine. Perhaps nursery will be the structure she needs.
I want to gain control back of their days and diets. Work has made me outsource this to a nanny and it’s not working and I feel like I’m letting them down. I really want another baby but I want to sort my current two out before I think of adding another little being.
After reading the other case studies I am not sure if our issues are that bad and maybe I just need to wake her up at a certain time, feed her the same food and make sure she goes to sleep at the same time?
