Patrick is a happy, calm, sweet and sensitive boy. He is nearly 3½ years old. He loves books, balls, vehicles (toy cars, trains etc), counting, letters, horseplay, silly songs, word play, nature and his family (parents and 11 month old baby brother.) He is friendly with other children, especially ones he knows well, but generally prefers to play independently rather than with others (except for chase, hide & seek). He is friendly with adults too and loves his grandparents who stay every 6 weeks. His language has been a bit delayed (he only recently started saying “I want” not “You want” etc) and he is not very conversational about his feelings. He is starting to do imaginative play but he doesn’t make up complicated games or do role playing unless directed by an adult. He prefers smaller groups of people and at parties will often seek out a quieter room to play with his parents rather than other children.
He had a nanny from 12-40 months, who left in March. They adored each other and got on brilliantly. He started nursery in January (initially 3 mornings per week, now 3 full days). He goes to nursery 3 days per week which he enjoys, but his nursery have raised some concerns about Patrick’s social development and his speech & language (not making friends or playing with other children yet.) He is advanced in other areas (e.g. spelling, counting). He was fine with his baby brother for a while, but I think he is becoming annoyed by how active the baby is now, and at weekends it tends to be that his father attends to Patrick while I do more with the baby due to their respective clinginess. I am due to return to work in January and I’m concerned that will impact on Patrick while he gets used to me being away and having a new nanny (who he likes so far).
Generally we don’t take a strict parenting approach with him as he is mostly a sensible, calm and cautious boy. He is rarely reckless and is generally loving to his baby brother and others. We have mostly taken the approach of being calm and gentle with him as that seems to work better than being strict. If he is told off (e.g. for pushing his brother) he either ignores it or he can get very upset and cry a lot. We do make him apologise if he hurts someone and he gets a cuddle after the apology. We are not strict with rules and probably need to be firmer about boundaries and what is expected of him as he gets out of the toddler phase (e.g. eating at the table, undressing himself). We potty trained Patrick at 2yr 9mo pretty easily with a sticker chart to show his successes.
Patrick was born weighing 3.9kg after an emergency C-Section. He had an infection after birth that required antibiotics and during the 8 day stay in hospital I developed Post Natal Depression, which thankfully resolved itself after a few weeks with rest at home and medication.
However, this meant that breastfeeding stopped at day 5 as I was put on sleeping pills to ease anxiety and insomnia. Patrick was formula fed from then on and had no issue with this. He has had a dummy for sleep since a few days old and he slept in his own cot in his own room from when we came home from hospital. He was diagnosed with a tongue tie in hospital but as this wasn’t affecting his milk feeding we decided not to cut it, but it was noticeable that he didn’t stick his tongue out of his mouth when playing games.
Patrick didn’t have reflux, colic or any particular issues and he was generally an easy baby during the day and at night.
Patrick slept relatively well as a baby, being formula fed, and he started sleeping through with a dreamfeed from about 11 weeks old. We dropped the dreamfeed around 7 months old. As a 3-12 month old Patrick tended to sleep through about 4-5 nights per week and wake up for a quick bottle 2-3 nights. He settled very easily for daytime naps and at bedtime so we didn’t need to sleep train him (he was windy after a bottle so he never fed to sleep because we had to keep him awake to wind him). He would be put down in his bed and fall asleep on his own listening to Ewan the Dream Sheep (lullaby setting).
From 12-30 months old I was back at work and Patrick had a nanny 4 days per week. He would wake up in the night around 3-4 nights per week and need a bottle of milk to resettle himself. As he was eating poorly (see below) we were always worried that he was hungry and needed milk at night. He also vomited when he became upset until around 18 months old, so we couldn’t leave him to cry in his cot in case he vomited a lot, so his sleep 2 became worse from around 8/9 months old. This vomiting only stopped around 18 months old (but still happens on rarer occasions). His sleep got worse around 2 years old and he would sometimes be awake for several hours even after having a bottle. Bedtimes were also very long and stressful, and he would need cuddles on a chair for a long time before he fell asleep (often not until 8.30pm). When he was 2yr 3mo I decided to sleep train him after seeing him go to bed easily for my mother. I spent a week refusing to get him out of the cot and refusing any milk between bedtime and 6am. I’d give him cuddles kneeling on the floor next to his cot (but not pick him up) and I would sometimes have to lie on the floor of his room while he cried for an hour (while 7 months pregnant) but after about 5 nights he turned a corner and went to bed without much fuss and woke up far less at night.
He went into his own bed in a new bedroom at 2yrs 9months, and was happy in it. We’ve recently given him a duvet which works reasonably well, before he just wanted a sleeping bag as he wouldn’t tolerate a duvet/blanket. He’s never been a particularly early riser and his bedtime has tended to be around 7.30pm (variable due to dinner and bedtime sometimes taking very long). See below for info on Patrick’s sleep now.
Solids were a real issue due to Patrick’s tongue tie. Purees and yoghurt went okay as long as they were very smooth but Patrick gagged easily on any lumpy food because he couldn’t move the food around his mouth with his tongue. This resulted in him projectile vomiting up his food regularly if there was anything remotely lumpy in it (e.g. small bit of banana). He also went through a phase around 10-12 months of not swallowing any solid food – he would chew toast, fruit, etc then spit it out. This resolved itself by about 13 months old, but we got into a pattern of feeding him Ella’s Kitchen pouches (sweet or vegetables with apples) and yoghurt to avoid vomiting so he developed a very sweet tooth. He is also a fussy eater and is very reluctant to try new things, even treats (he wouldn’t even try chocolate cake or chips until he was 2½ years old and won’t try juice). We have always had to encourage Patrick to eat by singing, reading books, playing with toys, etc while he is having a meal. He rarely wanted to feed himself and wouldn’t pick up a water bottle until he was about 20 months old (wanting it held up for him!!!). Patrick spent a while only eating yoghurt, fruit and cheese toasties (18-24 months), and also spent a while mostly eating a mashed veggies concoction with apple puree (24-32 months. We gradually added potatoes, rice, couscous and mince to this so it became a bit like cottage pie. See below for info on Patrick’s food now.
For nearly a year from age 2¼ to 3¼ ember, Patrick’s sleep was quite good, mostly sleeping through and if he woke in the night it wasn’t for too long, though we would give him milk bottles sometimes. Patrick gradually dropped his lunchtime sleep between April to July this year, which didn’t seem to impact his night time sleep (bedtimes were quicker). For the past two months however Patrick’s sleep has been really variable. He tends to go to bed relatively easily but after quite a bit of horseplay at bedtime.
About 3 nights a week he sleeps 11/12 hours with only occasional moans. About 4 nights a week he wakes up early (some time between 2am-5am) and will stay up for hours. If he wakes at 2am he might fall back asleep after some hours, but if he wakes at 4am or 5am its unlikely he’ll fall back asleep. Sometimes he seems to have had a bad dream, sometimes he is happy and just looking to play. He is going through a very clingy phase with his father and mostly wants Daddy at night. Ideally he wants to be in our bed (where he lies awake for hours, either lying still or singing/messing around) but we don’t want to co-sleep with him as none of us get much sleep. We try to make him stay in his room by either lying in front of the door (to stop him getting out to see Daddy) or sitting in his chair or lying on a mattress on the floor. He can be quiet but it still takes hours to get him back to sleep (if at all). We’re all getting exhausted by this.
Back in August he was sleeping brilliantly and we needed to wake him up at 7.30am. A few things changed since then –
1. We stopped giving him milk in a baby bottle at bedtime. He rarely drinks milk from a glass at bedtime.
2. He worked out how to open his bedroom door, which was stiff and too hard to open before.
3. His father went away for a week on a trip, making Patrick more clingy.
4. The baby has become more active and Patrick often gets told off at bedtime for pushing his brother over when he climbs up to stand by the bed/sofa. We have tried a star chart but he doesn’t seem very interested. We have a Gro Clock and Patrick understands he’s meant to stay in bed until Mr Sun but won’t do so. We have also started playing “The Little Elephant Who Wants to Fall Asleep” on a CD at bedtime which helps him relax. There doesn’t seem to be a pattern between the time he goes to bed (early or late) and how well he sleeps, though he tends to sleep poorly for a few nights in a row and well for a few nights in a row. There also doesn’t seem to be a pattern between his sleep and whether he’s at nursery or at home during the day or weekday/weekends. He still has a dummy but only for sleeping, he doesn’t have it during the day unless he finds it and messes around for a bit.
Patrick is better at eating but still fussy. He has about 10 savoury meals he will eat (see below). He doesn’t seem to understand when he is hungry and rarely says “I’m hungry”, though he will ask for snacks sometimes. He will be grumpy in the morning but cheer up after we’ve encouraged him to eat a banana (he won’t realise he’s hungry). He doesn’t eat until he is full but rather eats until he is bored, so if he isn’t encouraged to eat he will only have a few mouthfuls and then be hungry later on. I worry that we sometimes make him keep eating when he’s full by making him eat most of his what’s on his plates, and that he doesn’t have a good connection between his hunger levels and how much he eats.
We have recently started having meals at the dining table rather than at his small play table, and eating at the same time as his baby brother. He will still wander off mid-meal unless entertained. Patrick still wants to be fed rather than feed himself, and he needs an activity at the table to entertain him – at best this is a book which I read while he feeds himself, at worst this is Patrick watching videos on my phone while he eats. Sometimes he will eat well (with assistance in loading the spoon) if promised entertainment (tv/phone) after he finishes. Patrick sometimes eats sitting on the sofa while watching tv (this is the best way of trying new food or food he doesn’t like as he can be bribed with the threat of the tv going off). He has lunch at nursery 3 days a week and is fussy there. He will sit with the other children for the meal but has to be fed the first mouthful, then will only eat a few more by himself. He is very distracted and has to be reminded to keep eating.
Breakfast options: 1. Weetabix with milk or Greek yoghurt with apple puree or Ella’s pouch to sweeten, 2. Toast with butter & honey (only honey, not jam or plain), 3. Shreddies soggy from milk but milk poured out so he can eat by hand, 4. Hot Cross Bun/muffin, 5. Banana slices and other fruit, 6. Ella’s Kitchen Baby Brekkie pouch.
Lunch/dinner options: 1. Chicken/ham/turkey slices, with potatoes (boiled or mash) and mashed veggies or peas, 2. Quiche with potatoes & veggies, 3. Fish fingers and Alphabite chips, 4. Scrambled eggs & toast, 5. Sausages with potatoes & veggies/peas, 6. Eggy bread with honey, 7. Cheese toastie/panini (sometimes with ham), 8. Pizza, 9. Cheesy pasta with chicken & broccoli (reluctant to eat), 10. Chicken pie.
He will have a yoghurt after lunch and we try to give him some fruit/toast/Weetabix for pudding after dinner but sometimes we get too busy with the baby, or Patrick doesn’t want to eat. He will have sponge cake, chocolate buttons or ice cream for treats.
At nursery he is offered other options like curry with rice, pasta with bolognaise, beef stew, fresh vegetables. He will eat some rice and plain pasta without the sauce, but generally doesn’t eat well. He has tea at nursery and will try some of that, but often eats the bread and not the filling (e.g. tuna sandwiches).
Snacks: Fruit (grapes, strawberries, blueberries, mango, apple, raspberries), yoghurt (plain with fruit to sweeten or petit filous), mini cheddars, homemade cheese biscuits, Pom Bears, veggie straws, toast with honey, sometimes Ella’s pouches.
Nothing medical, his growth is fine
6.30-7.30am – Wake up (on a good day). Otherwise he could wake up for the day at 4am or 5am.
Around 7.30/8am – Breakfast. He eats gradually with milk and a banana or bun to get him started then more food at his play table. We don’t make him sit down at the big table and let him eat gradually over an hour or so, while he gets dressed and plays with toys. He drinks milk out of a glass/cup now, the amount varies but he tends to have a full glass per day. We have to remind/encourage him to eat his breakfast.
9ish – Go to nursery 5 mins walk/drive (he attends 3 days per week, currently Mon, Tues & Fri but from next month it will be Tues, Wed and Thurs). If no nursery then we’ll play in the house for longer while the baby naps.
10.30-11.30ish – If no nursery, then head to a play activity, e.g. a playground, soft play, library class. Might stay at home if very rainy. He’ll have a snack during this time, e.g. Mini Cheddars, Pom Bears, grapes, Veggie Straws.
11.45am/noon/12.15pm – Lunch starts. Could be quick and take 20 mins, could take 40 mins of cajoling him to sit at the table to eat. Meal followed by a petit filous yoghurt or fruit.
12.45/1pm/1.30pm – TV for 20-40 mins (while baby starts his nap). Usually Hey Duggee or Fireman Sam, sometimes Octonauts or The Gruffalo.
1.30-3pm – Play with Mummy/reading/independent play.
3pm-5pm – Usually play at home but sometimes play date or trip to the park/soft play. Another snack around 4/4.30pm (e.g. toast with honey, fruit, cheese biscuits).
5.45/6pm – Dinner starts around now and can take 20-30 mins, sometimes longer if he’s refusing to eat or being difficult with sitting at the table. Usually pudding is either a sponge cake with custard or a bowl of yoghurt with porridge and Weetabix (if he hasn’t had Weetabix for breakfast). He is more enthusiastic at feeding himself pudding but often pudding is spoon fed to him on the sofa during tv watching as we’re running so late.
6.15/6.30/6.45pm – TV for 20-30 mins like after lunch. Maybe some play before TV if dinner finishes early.
6.45/7pm – Head upstairs after TV for bath & Bedtime.
Bedtime routine (could take 20 mins if v tired, could take 45mins or longer):
Play on Mummy & Daddy’s bed for 5-15 mins (jumping around, being thrown onto the bed). If he’s being tricky he will then refuse to come into the bath and jump on his own bed for a while. Sometime we’ll get him in the bath about 5mins after coming upstairs, sometimes it can take 30mins, or not happen at all (c. once per week).
10-15 mins bathtime. If he’s ready to go in, he’ll happily stay in the bath for ages. Often more bouncing on his bed after bathtime.
After bath either he has to wait for his brother to go to bed or he will go first and have stories on the chair in his room. Sometimes he is very willing to go to bed and falls asleep quickly either with us sitting in a chair or out of the room. He used to be much better at falling asleep by himself. Other times (increasingly) he wants us to stay in his room, or keeps getting out of bed and coming in while I’m trying to settle the baby. If there are two of us doing bath/bedtime it goes smoother, and is usually his dad sorting Patrick with me sorting the baby. If it’s just me we end up with one or both children being very tired & annoyed while I try to get the other one to sleep. Patrick will only rarely play happily in his own room after bathtime. There are lots of books in there but no toys. If his father is doing bedtime Patrick will want much more horseplay before and after the bath, and also more cuddles, stories etc when he’s dressed for bed.
Mealtimes on nursery days:
10am – Fruit snack.
12.15-12.45am – Lunch
4-4.30pm – Afternoon tea
5/5.30pm – Pick up by mum, dinner starts slightly later if a later pick up as he wants to play with his toys again and he will be fuller from afternoon tea at nursery.
